Clothes Shopping Frustrations

This week I am back on a health kick, trying to eat lots of fresh fruit and veggies and doing the dreaded exercise. I've starting jogging, well actually describing it as jogging might be a bit of a stretch, it was more lolloping really, but as I'm a hefty size 18 who hasn't really got off the sofa for a good 18 months it's probably to be expected. I also dug out and sorted out a bike I was given, that's been sitting in my shed since last summer. Managed to do 30 mins cycling yesterday which was actually quite fun!
I though to encourage me to loose weight I would do a bit of window shopping to see what lovely things I might buy, if I drop a few sizes. Alas, fashion at the moment seems to be just about my worse nightmare. For example this offering from Next

I mean ...seriously. It's the print from those horrific scarves you get in charity shops and think "wow, they are gonna struggle to get rid of those lol!"

So I check out Dorothy Perkins, and it appears that snakeskin leggings are all the range. The thought of my thighs squeezed into a pair of foil snakeskin leggings...my god...Here we have an example of "the look"

Dorothy Perkins

Why is she wearing an 80's bridesmaid headdress? Why would you tuck in the jumper! What is going on!
I'm confused! Surely this is not really a trend. Lets have a look at another site...

They suggest this ensemble to "bring prints into your work wardrobe" ....can you imagine the looks on peoples faces as you strutted into the office wearing ...well any of these "tribal and sporty" pieces. *facepalm*
How about H&M?

Scarves are definitely in. To be fair though at least this one is only £15 and it's very....orange? However I think I would rather wear a bin liner.

How about Miss Selfridge?

Apparently these were designed "in house". Check out the tropical bird shirt here... wow just wow.
only £50..bargain!

Maybe Topshop?

lol! Nope! Seriously....those shorts?

I think I'm just going to stop now and learn to sew :D