Tuesday, 30 November 2010

4lb 12oz

is the current estimate on how big this lil baby is :D I had another scan yesterday and all is looking fine. It's strange having a scan so late in pregnancy, she is so big now that she won't fit on the screen all in one go. She also had hiccups while they were trying to measure her tummy which was cute!
I also had a chance to chat about delivery with the very lovely midwife from the miscarriage clinic, very good timing that she happened to be there. I will have the option of booking an induction at 39 weeks, but that it is up to me. Now, to be fair the idea of being booked in is actually sort of soothing, it would means no mad rush to hospital, no worrying about trying to get in the damn place in the middle of the night, childcare can be sorted out beforehand and hopefully there would be a bed and enough midwives ect. But also there is part of me that still wishes I could do the whole thing naturally and the midwife also said that I could wait for labour naturally and go to the midwife unit instead. But to be fair I don't think that I would have the patience to sit around waiting (and worrying) for that long. So I have one last scan in 4 weeks and an appointment with the consultant to make a plan for the birth.

Whilst I was waiting before the scan there was a woman making a huge fuss about the fact that she'd just found out she was having a girl when she wanted a boy. She was making a big show of it to her husband and mother about just how "really pissed off" she was, shouting at him and generally being vile. In the other corner of the room was this tiny little asian lady who had just come back from having a scan and she had that thousand mile stare that says the news has not been good. I totally wanted to go up to the lady who was "pissed off" about having a perfectly healthy baby and just point out that not everyone in the room had not just had such good news, that the sex of the baby was probably the last thing on the list she should be worrying about and that she should STFU! I bit my tongue with effort and pondered how foolish people are to worry and be upset about things that really do not matter and reflected on the fact that I should also not bother worrying about stuff that really does not matter either. It really does not matter the hows and wherefores of how I have this baby, so long as she arrives safely, which I truly truly hope that she does xxx

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Birth Anxiety

I'm going into worry overdrive about where to have this baby. I was chatting with one of the senior nurses in our surgical admissions team who previously spent 20 years working on the surgical maternity ward in the hospital I am booked for. I mentioned that I was anxious after a previous bad experience and that although I'm not really bothered about most things, I really wanted things to be evidence based/best practice. "Ha!" she declared, "oh gosh I don't go for all that evidence based stuff, what a load of rubbish. I've been delivering babies 20 years and I pay no attention to any of it" I was just left open mouthed, in stunned silence ...followed by terror. This is a highly senior nurse practitioner telling me this WTF! I'm so afraid that I'm going to be in the care of a bunch of numpties!! I swear if there was any way to afford or obtain private care I would be on the phone right now booking myself in, but alas outside of London there is just nothing at all no matter how much cash you can flash. I do want to be in a hospital with all emergency care on standby just in case, but man oh man do I wish I was having a home birth, with a nice team of midwives who I know. I'm on flippin Asprin therapy still and am at high risk of bleeding after the birth, I do not want to be left alone again with a retained placenta until I pluck up the guts to pull it out my damn self.

*sigh* I don't think there is honestly anything I can do about it though so I think I am just going to have to deal with it.
I'm going to distract myself with trashy trashy TV, I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here...I can't stand that Gillian...so of course I love it :D

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

30 weeks

10 more to go! I actually went out and bought some baby clothes today without having a big dilemma about it either. Today I was having one of those days where you feel like you've ballooned overnight, where did all this belly come from all of a sudden? I've started to do the waddling walk and everything lol!

I did another long 12.5 shift on Tuesday and I ended up having a bit of a cry when I got home. I was looking after a lovely patient with a pretty horrific cancer and it was so sad knowing that he is not going to last much longer and that he is suffering so much, he was in such a bad way but still a very sweet old guy and his family were lovely too. They were talking to him about how much he has to "get better" in time to come home for Christmas and stuff, but it is just not going to happen at all, so so sad. We had this patient and one other who were expecting to go to theatre or get treatment and just found out that there was now nothing more that could be done for them. So many of the patients are in a similar boat but at an earlier stage and it all got a bit much thinking about how fragile life is and what could lay ahead for me or one of my friends or family. I think this I way I'd really like to work in Theatres instead of on the wards, at least there you are always doing something positive that could really help rather than being all helpless to do anything other than make them comfortable. Plus I don't suppose you have a chance to get to know the patients so much as when you are caring for them on the wards which would mean I wouldn't get so attached and upset. I've got 6 more weeks of this though so I think I need to grow a thicker skin.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Grateful

After two days of working 12.5 hours shifts, I am really enjoying having my feet up today! Seriously, I think most of the nurses I worked with are in fact robots, as they don't drink, pee or sit down at all in 12.5 hours, I'm surprised how well I did though :D As well as feeling glad to be sitting down, I am also grateful that I don't have to breathe through a tube in my throat or eat through a tube in my stomach, that my bed is quiet and comfortable and that I don't have to have any surgery any time soon. I do really feel for all those poor patients stuck back on the ward. I learned so so much in the first two days and did get thrown in the deep end a bit..which was great! I'd assumed I'd be just making beds and doing observations but I got to take some surgical staples out, give an injection and take out Venflons (those tubes they put in a vein in your hand) Also watched the nurses doing all the really technical stuff...and boy is there a lot to learn. The paperwork is mountainous, confusing and illogical, is in ten different places and ten different computer systems, it is going to take forever to get the hang of! It's also annoying that the nurses have such a complex paperwork system to deal with that is so time consuming and wasteful. One day maybe they will get a nice online system and each nurse could just have a little handheld computer..you could just log into a patients details, drug charts, obs chart, feeding chart, weight chart, fluid chart, falls risk chart, notes all in one place! It's pretty amazing that Google has all the software I need, for free, that works beautifully, all joined up, yet a huge organization like the NHS which spends millions on IT can't have a decent system, it was honestly just like my old DOS computer. They had at least 5 different things they had to log into on different computers all with different passwords..just crazy. I dunno, maybe one day I'll invent a system and get my database hubby to build it and we can make a mint :D

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Isabella's Things

Yesterday at my mother in laws she mentioned all the baby stuff that was in their garage. I though I may as well pluck up the courage to take it all home whilst we were on the subject. It was not as bad as I thought it would be, it didn't really upset me as much as I thought it would. I'd forgotten just how much stuff I had bought though!! It's sort of awesome as it's all stuff there is no way I could afford to buy this time around being a poverty stricken student. It was sort of like Christmas, opening all this beautiful stuff...and damn I had good taste :D I have a purple corduroy Wilkinet baby carrier, 4 pastel coloured Fuzzi Funz Nappies, 2 Tots Tots lilac spot covers, 1 pack of rainbow Tots Bots, a whole set of Bambino Mio newborn nappies, 4 packs of size 2 Bambino Mio nappies,pink fleece nappy wrap, 2 packs of washable baby wipes and spray solution, fleece nappy liners, purple Tots Bots waterproof nappy bag, pastel pink nappy bucket, some super cute baby clothes, handmade bandana bibs and even an super posh aromatherapy labour kit. The only trouble is that it seems I have enough nappies for about 3 babies, as I've been buying nappies on Ebay this time around too lol!

I also had another growth scan yesterday and everything is looking good!! Baby is looking around 2lb 12oz which is a whole 1lb more than two weeks ago. She's also flipped from breech to head down which is good as I've been doing those handstands from that Spinning Babies website. This all means they don't want to see me for 4 weeks. Also popped to see the ward I will be working on next week while I was at the hospital and people there seemed nice and it didn't look too crazy busy, which is good!

I have a day off uni today and suddenly all this baby stuff around feels really weird, I feel very much like someone who is pretending to be pregnant. Like a crazy lady buying baby stuff for a reborn doll or something. It's all a bit odd.